Brad Warner: Zen Wrapped in Karma Dipped in Chocolate, pg.224
Well, that last sentence really woke me up this morning. I would guess that 99% of westerners who come to Zen, or any of the Buddhist schools of thought and practice, have that as their goal. I never have, not because I am lazy, but because it is just plain selfish, in my eyes. If I "get it" and do not immediately give it away, by using what ever the hell the "it" is, to help others in any way I can, then it is just so much spiritual weasel-waxing.
Now, before people feel I have dissed all the wonderful zen teachers out there (even though there are some who could use a kick in the butt, I am sure) allow me to explain. My own "insights", such as they are, showed me my myriad selfishnesses. There were a ton of them, trust me. Well, in showing me those things I clearly saw how my Christian fundamentalist upbringing dovetailed nicely into things. It was all about saving my butt from going to hell (handbasket not included) and going to heaven. It was all transactional salvation. I do X,Y, and Z and I'll get the "promised rewards" of "blessedness". In like manner if I did NOT do the aforementioned things, or committed some "grave" sins, especially involving my genitals, I would be punished in hell. All a transaction with personal (read me, myself and I) the primary concern. So, doing "good" and avoiding "evil" became a matter of utmost personal concern. Selfish, in short.
Likewise, striving for "enlightenment" can be seen as something one does for oneself. You hit the cushions and meditate for personal reasons, for personal benefit. Selfish, in short. Maybe this personal evaluation is harsh, or unfair in some people's eyes.
As Brad Warner says, "Deal with it."
OK, it is human nature to seek to maintain ones life and family. Hell, breathing is selfish when you come down to it. The difference, to me, lies in the accumulation of something not meant to benefit anyone else. The Bodhisattva ideal would be totally foreign to most people who seek to escape reality using ANY vehicle, religious, chemical, or otherwise.
Christians call this kenosis, or emptying ones self for others alone. Bodhisattvas postpone their enlightenment until ALL beings are liberated from the bondage of clinging. Both of these ideas are scary, because looking around us, there is an enormous amount of work to be done...and all that work lies in the real, our daily reality. It is grotty, messy, often violent, and full of pathos as well as times of real joy and bliss. To wish to attain a state where none of this effects you, and to go through life like a cartoon of a "spiritual" being, just floating along, is both selfish and escapist.
You may disagree, and say I am full of shit. That's cool. Maybe I am. It is no big thing to me.
I had 16 years of Buddhist practice and history under my belt, when I was taught more about reality, and it's utter capacity for suffering and triumph, than any master, teacher, or scripture ever had before. I was talking to one of my students on the day before his release from our facility. I had helped him through a lot of struggles and issues, and he was ready to go. Here is our dialog.
Me: You've done a helluva job, Will (I'll use that instead of his actual name.)
W: Thanks Mr. F.
Me: Glad I could help ya.
W: (Big, 32 tooth smile)
Me: I've always been curious about one thing, Will.
W: What's that?
(Note: when he was 5, his mother was murdered while holding his hand, during a drug deal gone bad. She had been a prostitute with a nasty drug habit.)
Me: When your mom was shot, you stayed by her, but fought the police when they arrived. Why?
W: That's easy. I couldn't see who they was.
Me: Couldn't see them?
W: Yeah, mama's brains was in my eyes.
Me: Lord....
I looked into his eyes, and they were clear and strong.
He smiled and put it all together for me.
W: Just like you always pounded into us, Mr. F, that was then, this is now, I am here, not there. This, right now, is where I go from here.
What a kensho.
As a note Will is doing great these 18 years later. He works with kids who have come from abusive homes, and is going to write a book, I hear.
Kwatz!
T
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